Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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