Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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