can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
