I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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