NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize