I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
