I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
