He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
