guys are not supposed to queef...right?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
