Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
