get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just invented taco cereal.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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