Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
