i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
