I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
