Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
