She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
