your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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