tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
