The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
