I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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