haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
