do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
now i know why i became what i already was.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
