I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
