I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
