i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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