Dude my mom stole all your condoms
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
