She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
