My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
