I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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