why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
