Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
