So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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