I want to make a zoo with you.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
