...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
as a side note pls kill me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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