No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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