This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
