Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
