I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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