btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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