Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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