what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
