let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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