i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
