just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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