You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
