3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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