drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
