is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
