I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
