do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
