They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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