dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
