i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
