i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
