How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
