My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
