god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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