i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
